filled to the brim

i feel like a can of coke that has been shaken a few times. ready to explode when the top of me has been opened. been keeping too many tings inside of me when i shud haf spoken up.. wad i am now is a can of shaken coke being put back into the fridge. waiting for the next victim of a prank.

sometimes i stand at the road side and wonder what it would feel like to be knocked down by one of the fast moving cars.. would i feel the pain? would i die instantly? would anyone cry for me... if i didnt die.. i wished that i would haf lost my memory because there are so many tings that i rather not remember..

memories that cause me so much hurt and pain ... memories that cause me to cry myself to sleep sometimes.. i really hate to appear happy when im not and appear to laugh when actually i feel like crying.. call me emo or wadeva but this is how i really feel and i dont need consolation from anyone..

if i die.. would i go to heaven? i doubt it.. ive done so much evil in this life.. if i could.. i would start this life all over again.. make it more worthwile.. make life more enjoyable.. start studying hard..at tis point in time.. all i see myself in 10 years time is sweeping the roads in orchard road.. or worse... begging in the streets of orchard..

p.s im sorry =)